Perverse Times With Twisted Politicos

While watching CNN this morning I caught a fiery lecture by President Bush concerning the definition of evil. Apparently he had discovered a dictionary lying around and wanted to publicize the fact that he had opened it. “It can be used as an adjective, noun or even an adverb” he yelled. “And it has two syllables. No further questions.” The only issue was that he pronounced syllables like “cymbals.”

Well, I guess that isn’t exactly what he said. (In aim of honest journalism I will admit that everything but the first sentence in that paragraph was made up, but those of you who couldn’t realize that have other issues to deal with). It was early in the morning and I hadn’t had my coffee yet but the gist of his thesis on evil was that it was a bad thing and we needed to rid the world of “evildoers.” He really did say evildoers; that one I am not making up. But it then dawned on me- bush sees himself as a superhero. He really does. People say that he appears to have a child-like enthusiasm when he speaks and I think he has a child-like approach to his presidency. He’s fighting a war because of what “the bad men” did to his “daddy” and he imagines that he’s a superhero in doing so. Next thing we know he will be giving speeches in capes and running off to phone booths whenever the terror alert is elevated. I’m surprised he hasn’t started to wear glasses so that he could take them off when evil strikes.

Evil doesn’t scare me. Bush’s motivational orations given in the manner of William Wallace don’t scare me- as much as it does entertain me. What does send panic coursing through my veins are hormone crazed politicians running around the capitol without any self-control. The latest to be acknowledged publicly is Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho, who recently pleaded guilty to a charge of lewd conduct. It finally caught the savage media’s eye that he readily admitted being accountable for the criminal activity he was accused of and he’s begun to attempt his swiftest back peddle but his whole situation is transparent.

He is now arguing that he only entered a guilty plea because he wanted to accelerate the process and put it behind him. Additionally, he claims that the officer got the wrong idea about his actions. He released a statement saying, “At the time of this incident, I complained to the police that they were misconstruing my actions. I was not involved in any inappropriate conduct. I should have had the advice of counsel in resolving this matter. In hindsight, I should not have pled guilty. I was trying to handle this matter myself quickly and expeditiously.”

The alleged Lawmaker was arrested in a stall at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport by a police officer who was there checking out the validity behind claims that these lavatories were turning into the bath houses of the Midwest. Apparently they were a notorious meeting place for people whose sexual escapades must be conducted in public restrooms. The officer was sitting on the can, mid-stake out (which is not really how they portray it in the movies), as he watched Craig peek into his compartment and make several gestures indicating what he wanted to go down and then he sat on the throne next to him. Craig then tapped his foot underneath the divider separating the two and this astute member of the law enforcement agency referred to his handbook and recognized this “as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct.” As if the taping wasn’t enough, Craig then touched this brave soldier’s foot with his shoe and then "proceeded to swipe his hand under the stall divider several times.”

I’m not really sure what to say about this whole situation. On face it doesn’t seem like the Senator did too much. He was just looking for a little human contact while he relieved himself. He even said that "he has a wide stance when going to the bathroom." But while he very well may be a “gripper and ripper” the fact that he was in a place known for freak sexual acts and abnormal fetishes makes it just a bit suspicious. That he was making gestures normally used by those who would like to partake in such activities is even more condemning and then the fact that he actually plead guilty to the charge is, well, the definition of condemnation.

His motives behind not fighting the charge could vary. He could have been trying to just keep himself out of the limelight. If he had challenged the charges an investigation would have ensued that surely would have made headlines earlier than this story and at that point all the facts would have been marched through a courtroom. Instead he got his case quickly off the docket and now we are left with just reports to sift through for truth.

Maybe he really was innocent- as far from the truth as that sounds. The sentence was only a small fine but it’s still hard to get away from the reality that he had to have known this would have surfaced at some point and he was going to look bad no matter what came forward. Honestly, I don’t really care about the truth. I don’t know if I could handle the truth. What I do know is that guilty or not guilty, he was involved in a very sketchy situation that involved some very shady sexual intentions. What is even more distressing is that he is not the first national politician to be caught up in a scandal of this ilk.

More and more it seems like Congress is a brotherhood of sexual deviants and social miscreants with desires that can only be satiated in airport bathrooms and by young interns. This isn’t even the first time Craig has been fingered (no pun intended) as possibly having an unusual hobby. According to a New York Times article, in 1982, Craig had to deny rumors “that he was under investigation as part of a federal probe into allegations that lawmakers on Capitol Hill had sexual relationships with congressional pages.” The page theme carried through to the Mark Foley scandal that was the flavor of the month earlier this year. In a whole separate matter, Senator David Vitter was implicated when authorities turned up his phone number in the records of an escort service that is alleged to deliver more promiscuous ladies of the night.

This is what scares me- that we could have a government that is known for being a pack of sex freaks and weirdoes. These are the people who are making the decisions in our country and it’s going to get to the point where we are going to assume that when they are not filibustering or writing constitutions they are off at highway rest stops meeting friends. The stereotype of a politician being “dirty” has always been prevalent but this takes it to another level. I guess it’s only a matter of time before one of them appears on “To Catch a Predator.”