Racism and Me

http://media.www.dailycampus.com/media/storage/paper340/news/2007/10/18/Commentary/Societys.Racist.Values.Counterproductive-3041237.shtml



I don’t consider myself racist. I wish they sold a hat that said that. Even so, I amble through life with the explicit intention of being seen as a friend to all people. I don’t know why I do it. No one has ever told me I was acting like a bigot but then again I don’t have many friends that speak like feminists from the 1970’s. Our society is inveterately sensitive; every action is scrutinized for any semblance of racism or sexism or any other kind of ‘ism. Whatever the reason, when a homeless man of a different race accosts me on the street, cup in hand, I immediately launch into a charade of caring.


I never carry change with me. I think it’s because I don’t want to be that guy who walks around with the audible noise of coins clanging together. I also like to have the option to sneak up on someone if the situation requires it. Despite this, when I am approached on the street by a person who’s heritage traces back to Africa, I always reach my hands into my pockets, dig down deep, and look up with the most compassionate of frowns as I resentfully notify the ragged looking individual. If I happen to actually have change, I’ll give it to him. If I don’t have any pockets, I’ll pat my waist with my hands like there’s a chance I’ll have a quarter taped to my thigh and then give him or her the bad news.


When a white homeless person approaches me, they get a different response. Each time, I look the other way as I walk by his witty sign and mutter something under my breath about him getting a job, or at least a shower. Without fail this is how it happens. People of color get a sympathy act while white people get an economics lecture. Let me also clarify that I’m not just a snobby undergraduate. When I have money I am happy to donate to charity or the homeless but since I am currently a scholar, I don’t usually have a bale of cash lying around.


I was thinking about this other day and realized in my own twisted way, I might actually be acting racist, by not trying to be racist. When the citizen of Caucasia solicits me I think “this man can get a job. Instead he’s living the high life. He relaxes all day, maybe hollers at a girl or two and then he pumps unsuspecting strangers for change when he hungers for a Big Mac.” So I walk past him with no misgivings. When a black person approaches me my thought process is different. “Because of the unfortunately biased hiring practices that occur in this country this man has obviously had trouble obtaining a position of employment. I feel very badly about this and want to show this man concern. Also, for some reason, I feel that if I do not display some sympathy then I will be labeled a racist.” I subconsciously assumed that the white person is a screw up while the African-American is just disadvantaged.


At the time, this sounded even worse and made me sad but, as I thought about it more, I realized that rather than me being prejudiced, I was espousing social prejudices that unfortunately pervade. I thought I was being racist because in my admittedly sheltered and limited point of view I have not been exposed to overt and blatant forms of racism. The thought processes that influenced my actions were erudite perceptions that had been inherited from my environment. I personally was not withholding a job from this person. In fact, if I had a spare job I would have no problem giving it to him, as long as he took a shower. I was just unconsciously saying that his skin color probably impeded his search for employment.


So where does this leave me. I began this confessional with the purpose of reporting on my personal outlook on racism and its incidence in today’s society. I thought I could give a fair view because I am also a minority (Jewish), although it is one that’s had a much easier go in this country. But frankly, who am I to be talking about society in a prescriptive sense. I’m just a seventh semester accounting major with an apparently warped view of archaeologists. I’m not sure what made me think that in my short 21 years of existence I had actually gotten a fair sample of racism and its place in today’s order.


What’s interesting to note is that, in essence, my thought process espouses reverse racism. While not intending to demean the white people, I essentially slight them in order to appear more compassionate to the other races. It all comes down to the fundamental insecurity introduced at the beginning. The publics’ tendency to dissect every exploit and its motive has caused me to over compensate and, in effect, still act racist; except this time the victim is my race.